Satire Club Editorial Division: Did Obama Invent the War on Christmas

Disclaimer: Satire can make you think, but it can melt the brains of literal-minded people; proceed with caution.  –CVC Eds.

Mr. Thomas Repudiak, SC Correspondant

Did Obama Invent the War on Christmas?  Let’s take a look at the facts I just made up.

Obama has long been championed as the leader of Christmas killers, making 90% of his 2012 agenda based around spitting on the Bible. Despite showing Obama a  photoshop I made of him hanging Santa, he denies any involvement in that matter sidestepping questions, and stating, “you photoshopped that — that never happened”.

I decided to dig deeper and present to you the most compelling reasons I made up about why Obama hates God.

Image courtesy of the AP wire

Image courtesy of the AP wire

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CVU Satire Club Breaking News: Mall Santas Enter the Fray in the War on Christmas

Disclaimer: Satire can make you think, but it can melt the brains of literal-minded people; proceed with caution. –CVC Eds.

Mr. Calvin Lord, SC Correspondant

A group of heavily armed mall Santas have established a foothold in the Northeastern Mall, taking control of the toy store by replacing nerf gun bullets with light machine gun (LMG) ammunition capsules. The move was unprecedented; the small liberal platoon of Happy Holidays Armed Forces (HHAF) stationed at the gumball machines was caught completely off guard. Only three were able to escape before the escalator was blown up.

Alaska Guard conducts Operation Santa Claus

The rescue teams have managed to remove almost all civilians from the area, but there are still isolated pockets of people.

With the War on Christmas turning in this new and scary direction, it’s time to look back at how this really got going.

It has been three months since the Merry Mall Santas Association (MMSA) began their hostile takeover of malls on the east coast. Their army quickly overwhelmed the HHAF, as they have been able to recruit legions of Fox News fans ready to put on tights, pointy hats, and ammunition sashes, and charge to defend their brave, obese, chimney traversing leaders.

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CVC Video Feature: The Case of the Missing Strawberry Pop

Mr. Samuel Swavay Comai

The Redhawk Cafe is now the area of a case that has caught CVU students off guard. The Redhawk Cafe offers a wide variety of tasty snacks and treats. In the weeks proceeding Thanksgiving Break, the cafeteria lost one of its most well-liked treats. The Strawberry Shortcake Pops were not only good, but they sold like wildfire. Now the cafeteria is missing it’s most flavorful treat, and the culprit, health regulations.

The missing Strawberry Pops first came to the attention of students during the week of November 13th. As kids funneled through the cafe doors, something felt different. The usual crowd of students wasn’t by the cooler which contained the Pops. The corner of the freezer that normally held the pops was filled with a couple stacks of ice cream sandwiches.

“I was pretty taken back by the entire situation! Those pops are a great snack and treat,” comments strawberry pop enthusiast, Sam Weese.

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Opinion: ATC Privatization is the Wrong Move for Cutting Federal Spending

Image courtesy of the FAA

Image courtesy of the FAAAir Traffic Control (ATC) privatization is not the correct approach to reducing federal spending.  From the point of view of someone who flies, this is likely one of Trump’s largest missteps.

Mr. Enzo Delia

ATC privatization is an atrocious attempt to cut federal spending. Trump argues the Air Traffic Control system is, “an ancient, broken, antiquated, horrible system that doesn’t work.” Though the system isn’t without flaws, it sure isn’t as bad as he makes it seem. How would he know anyways? After all, his only airline economics experience consists of investing $365 million in his own airline only to have it come crumbling down into the depths of bankruptcy only 4 years later.

Privatization would have a horrendous effect on ticket prices. There would be an estimated 20-29% increase in ATC fees according to a 2016 Delta Airlines study. This would end up increasing prices for the consumer, as part of the cost of a ticket consists of ATC fees.

Another major issue of privatization is the federal cost associated with it. According to the Congressional Budget Office’s most recent estimate, the process of privatizing our Air Traffic Control system would cost in the ballpark of $98.5 Billion over 10 years. This money would come from taxpayers, and tax payers may not be able to cover this enormous cost in the first place.

Let’s not forget, privatization would also mean all of the currently federally employed Air Traffic Control Workers would be laid off, and airlines such as Delta would be “outsourcing”, thus taking away jobs and not getting them back (AOPA).

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Will our Economy Tank if Our Politicians Don’t Start Compromising?

Mr. Isaac Cleveland

We can’t seem to get anything done. Our economy’s GDP growth rate and inflation rate has been fluctduating around 2%, indicating one of the worst recoveries after a major recession in the history of the United States (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics). Our politicians are particularly struggling to pass laws around healthcare and tax reform among other issues. What does that mean for us? We may see an unhealthy rise in prices, a lack of jobs, and the U.S. government may even shut down due to the inability to decide on a budget.

Is our government taking the appropriate steps to combat our stagnating economy? Americans have the appetite but congress can’t seem to compromise. The polarization both between Democrats and Republicans and between the members in each party makes resolutions of certain issues impossible.

U.S._Total_Deficits_vs._National_Debt_Increases_2001-2010

Graph courtesy of the Congressional Budget Office

Take the healthcare issue, for example. Many of the reasons why Republicans can’t agree on a healthcare bill are because of different ideologies and re-election thinking. As President Trump mentioned in his pre-election campaigning, he would repeal Obamacare and replace it with something “much better and less expensive.” However, the unpopular Obamacare bill has remained unchanged, mainly because our politicians are so divided on what should be implemented as a replacement.

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Cameras Keep an Eye on Parking Lots

Mr. Soren Kurth

 

Security cameras were placed on the exterior doors of Champlain Valley Union High School two years ago, in an effort to maintain better security outside of the building itself, and mainly in the parking lot. 

Students are mostly saying that they understand why the cameras are there, however, some students believe there are better uses for the money. For example, a senior at CVU, Fiona Love, said, “I feel it was needed, but we could have bought more tables and chairs for the library, or pave the road up to the Junior Lot.”

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Lettuce Club Butts Head With Bureaucracy

Eric (left) and Phaedra (right) doing a test run

Eric (left) and Phaedra (right) doing a test run

Mr. Kai Reinsborough

Eric Couture, a 16 year old sophomore at Champlain Valley Union High School, has a love of lighthearted competition. He’s been involved in theater and music, and plays the tuba, but this is the first project he’s undertaken on his own. “It’s my sense of humor, I have a really terrible sense of humor,” Couture said, in reference to a club he’s proposed that “started off as a joke, and then we started talking to some people about it … so we thought we might as well make it a real club.”

Inspired by an internet post, he’s organizing what he calls “Lettuce Club World Championships 2017.” It’s a competition to see who can eat a head of lettuce the fastest. “It’s a free for all,” Couture explained, “Whoever finishes their lettuce first is president for the next year, and is in charge of organizing the next meeting.”

“Most likely we’ll start before school at 7:45, so less than a half an hour. Half an hour at max. We did a test run yesterday and it took us around 15 minutes, so we’re thinking half an hour should be long enough for most people.” I tuned in to the 9/18 test run on instagram live where Couture and his good friend/co-organizer, Phaedra Miller, each ate a head of lettuce, albeit at a more leisurely pace. “You have to eat the whole lettuce from top to bottom to be able to win. Even that gross part at the bottom.”

Other than organizing the next championship, “There’s no actual useful prize, just bragging rights,” said Couture. “We might get a plastic tiara.”

I asked Couture how he got his club approved by the school. “We haven’t yet …We already have a club advisor, so the last hurdle is getting it approved as a club, and we’re hoping that that happens. We should be hearing about that soon.” TJ Mead, the Chittenden Core health teacher, is lined up to be their advisor.

Dan “Shep” Shepardson, CVU administrator, was hesitant about the idea. “Seems like it’s trying to make a mockery of the co-curricular/club setup,” he said, when reached for comment, “I don’t support any kind of activity that encourages people to do anything to excess.” Though he did say he “[might] be willing to do it as a ‘one time’ thing for a cause/purpose or fun,” he said that he was “doubtful that anyone would actually join a club to do this.”

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CVU Speaks About Personal Computers

Mr. Cole Casale

In the 2017-18 school year at CVU, a new program was put into place so that all CVU students would have personal computers. For all classes other than the senior class this change had no effect because they received laptops when they were freshmen. But for the seniors, this means they would either use their own laptops that they previously owned, or they would be given a school-issued laptop from the previous laptop carts. This news was revealed in the previous school year by Charlie MacFadyen in an email he sent to the entire senior class regarding this change. 

The idea to bring 1:1 computers into CVU has been in the works for a long time and this year it has finally been fully instituted. “I think it is going to allow for students to do a lot more with technology,” says Charlie MacFadyen, a driving force behind this change. “The purpose of this change was to allow for more students to have access to technology, to both streamline classes, and also to allow all students to do their work, regardless of their limits outside of school,” he says.

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CVU Work Crew Stacks Wood, Builds Community

Mr. Matt Fisher

pasted image 0

Two Work Crew members stacking wood.

The CVU Work Crew went to Eddie Krasnow’s house to help with stacking wood and cleaning out his shed.

Community Skills educator, Sharon Ogden wrote, “CVU Work Crew began [about 12 years ago] with a group of students who were energetic, hands-on learners, and loved the outdoors. The focus has been working in the community to gain trade skills as a stepping stone to Technical schools and other work opportunities.”
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Busses Now Parking Diagonally

CVC Staff

HINESBURG — Following the Thanksgiving break, CVU busses have begun parking diagonally in the bus lane when loading students after school.

Many students were happy with the change, especially if their busses pulled up in the second row. “I don’t have to walk as far to get to the bus,” said freshmyn Emma Ravenswood. “It probably saves me 10 or 20 seconds that I might have been shivering in the cold.”

Ravenswood was observed wearing a T-shirt. The temperature at 3:05 on Tuesday, November 26 was 23 degrees, Farenheit.

According to principal Adam Bunting, the new parking arrangement is “not about efficiency or saving space.” Rather, “it’s all about feng shui.”

Feng shui is the ancient Chinese art that attempts to find harmony between humans, nature, and architecture — and sometimes vehicles. “The busses were not following the principles of feng shui,” claimed Bunting. “Parking them diagonally aligns them more properly with the elemental flow of water on CVU property.”

Bussing supervisor Ken Martin declined comment.

ICCE_Illinois_School_Bus

Replica, not an actual school bus.

A Letter to Bernie: Net Neutrality Necessity

Mr. Willem Hillier, Guest Editorial Writer

Senator Bernie Sanders

357 Western Ave. Suite 1B

St. Johnsbury, VT 05819

Dear Mr. Sanders,

I am a senior at Champlain Valley Union High School, and I would like to both thank you for supporting net neutrality and urge you to continue doing all you can to fight against the FCC’s likely ruling this December.

To demonstrate the importance of Net Neutrality, I have a story — a story you may have heard about last year. I modified a Power Wheels car to be used as a wheelchair by a young child with Shaken Baby Syndrome. I used a guide that a different high school team had put up in Instructables.com as the basis for the project, and I improved several aspects of the design in the process, before posting my own version on Instructables.com so that other people in turn can build these mobility devices and learn from my improvements. Likewise, I used many other amazing online resources, like Thingiverse.com, a community-based 3D model repository, and Arduino, a non-profit electronics learning and prototyping platform.

Without Net Neutrality, resources like these likely would not exist. They rely on community-sourced content and support, which Net Neutrality upholds. If it weren’t for Net Neutrality, these amazing platforms likely would not have been able to rise and flourish the way they have. If it weren’t for Net Neutrality, the big ISPs could go so far as to directly censor or block access to these smaller community-based platforms, which they might see as a threat to their corporate mass-media platforms.

The Internet rose from open-source philosophies and transparency, and thus has allowed regular individuals to exchange information on an unprecedented scale. The use of the Internet as a communications platform can only grow in the future, and if we as a country, society, and species want to continue to be able to exchange information in an open and uncensored form then we must preserve the original essential principles that the Web was founded on. As a young person, I feel especially responsible for supporting Net Neutrality; whether it is upheld will likely have a large impact on our society in 15, 30, and 50 years from now – well within my generation’s lifetime.

Thank you for your continuing support in this battle. I urge you to do everything you can to continue supporting Net Neutrality.

Sincerely,

Willem Hillier

 

Student Council Takes Action

 Mr. Garrett Dunn

Hinesburg, VTRoarke Flad, a graduating senior of the 2018 class at Champlain Valley Union High School (CVU), has spent his last 2 years as a member of CVU’s Student Council. This year, he has been working with his Co-President, Lydia Koutras, in Student Council to make students’ voices heard.

Roarke joined Student Council because he felt like student voices were out of his hands and saw an opportunity to do something about it. “I was complaining and not doing anything about it, so I threw my hat in the ring and was lucky enough to get elected,”

Currently, Roarke’s position only allows him and his co-president to plan school events, run meetings, and give speeches to his class. Roarke’s goal is to be a representative of his school’s voice and turn that voice into action. Unfortunately, some challenges create a slow process. “I definitely think it’s the system…it’s a little bureaucratic considering the teachers are put in those roles [class council advisors],” Roarke said, “we’re students and our voice is respected, but at the same time there’s that undertone of ‘we’re only students.’”

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Opinion: Many Students Disgruntled by Tech

Mr. William Braun

As our society and school grow more dependent on computers and technology, it seems that CVU has come up with the “1:1 plan” to stay ahead of the curve. In reality, the idea was rushed and implemented before we were even ready.

As a result, seniors who decided to use their own devices have virtually no source for tech help and those who didn’t were given the “opportunity” to use the school’s old, beaten, and cheap computers while the rest of the student body strolls the halls with their nice and new Chromebooks.

Oh, and the CVU student Wi-Fi still stinks.

Matt Vile from IT says the purpose of the 1:1 plan was to “give each student a tool to do their work,” that students have “equal access to technology,” and that everyone would be “using the same technology.” While the goal of the 1:1 plan is sound in theory, the means of its execution are far from logical.

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Artist Profile: An Interview with Adam Glazer

Ms. Alyssa Gorton

Adam Glazer’s “Dark Desecration”

Vermont has been known for decades as a thriving place full of art, culture, and community. CVU does a great job of supporting young artists through many diverse classes, creative clubs, and celebrations, such as CVU’s Celebrate the Arts. Finding inspiration in your community is a great way to expand your knowledge of art, whether you are a viewer or an artist yourself. For this Artist Spotlight, I chose Adam Glazer. Adam is from Cleveland, Ohio and currently resides in Vermont. The reason I chose Mr. Glazer to be put under the spotlight is for his unique aesthetic—one I haven’t seen much of in our community. I reached out to Adam and he was kind enough to answer some of my questions about himself and his art.

When asked what inspired him to pursue art as a career, Adam looked back on interests of his youth, whether it be movies, video games, comics, or album covers. “I think as a kid back in 3rd grade, I started to get fascinated by animation and video games in the early to mid-1980s (I was truly a ‘stranger thing’ before Stranger Things), but ultimately it was the comics that gave me the means to communicate visually as an artist.” He states, “Because I was born deaf with congenital nerve damage in my ears, art was my second language. I got addicted to Dragon’s Lair which was one of the world’s first laserdisc games at the time which blended both animation and gaming together.”

Adam also touched on his love of anime before the genre exploded into American entertainment, and how that kind of animation influenced his artwork. If you spend just a few moments on Adam’s site and blog, Studio Inner Sanctum, you’ll see he also has a love of storytelling and movies. In fact, he talked clearly about how movies such as Aliens, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Godzilla, and others had inspired him through cinematography and visual design. Another part of Mr. Glazer’s inspiration is the early anime phenomenon in the late seventies and early eighties, with shows such as Battle of the Planets and Star Blazers. Though, Mr. Glazer said, one of the key moments in his childhood was seeing the album art for Meatloaf: Bat Out of Hell. Adam stated, “It was THAT moment that seared into my mind that I’ve wanted to create imagery that sticks with you long after.”

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Media Center Opens Its Doors

Mr. Cole Casale

“The media center room was built as part of a plan to create a way to teach video production and media literacy at CVU.” This was the foundation that the CVU video production room was built on, according to Gary Lambert. “Everything that is included in the room and the resources and help available are all in place so students are able to use them and become more comfortable with video production, which will, in turn, help to increase media literacy.”

At the beginning of the 2017-18 school year at CVU, students were surprised to see the new production room that had been built over the summer. With this surprise came many questions about the space. Lambert speaks about the room and all of the benefits that come with its creation.

Unfortunately, many students don’t feel like they can use it for a number of reasons. Lambert wanted to change this mindset, saying, “because we took over a classroom, it’s our space to schedule. It’s really just [for] anybody that is interested [in] coming into 118 and we can figure out a time that we can do what people are coming up with.” Students and faculty with an interest in learning to use this new resource are more than welcome.

Photo Courtesy of Charlie MacFadyen


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Movies: The New “It” puts fresh clown makeup on the King classic

Ms. Joyce Ke, CVC Film Critic

Be aware of the red balloons, people, and remember don’t talk to strangers. It, the 2017 edition, has just recently landed in theaters, and everyone is raving about it. Everyone who has either seen the first adaptation, read the book, or has heard all the good things about it, is going to go see it. The movie is definitely worth it if you’re into a good/classic horror movie.  

This adaptation was directed by Andy Muschietti who is a director and screenwriter. It is his second movie. The main actors Bill Skarsgård (Pennywise the Dancing Clown), Sophia Lillis (Beverly Marsh), Finn Wolfhard (Richie Tozier), Jaeden Lieberher (Bill Denbrough), Jack Dylan Grazer (Eddie Kaspbrak), Wyatt Oleff (Stanley Uris), Chosen Jacobs (Mike Hanlon), and Jeremy Ray Taylor (Ben Hanscom). The movie is roughly 2 hours and 15 minutes and is the second adaptation of the popular Stephen King novel (the first was made in 1990).

It is about the adventure of 7 kids based in Derry, Maine who works together to fight a clown they call “it.” The clown is named Pennywise, and he lives in the sewers under the town and wakes up every 27 years to feed on children and terrorize the town of Derry before he goes back to rest.

In the book, the story was told through two time periods of when the characters were kids and when they were older, but in this adaptation, they only focused on the time period of when the characters were kids. I thought that it was smart to only focus the movie on when the characters were children because it really got to the point of the movie. Focusing on the kids was also clever because it made the length of the movie shorter.

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Book Review: 23 Minutes

Ms. Julia Baker, CVC Book Critic

25898801 

Title: 23 Minutes

Author: Vivian Vande Velde

Genre: Science Fiction

Pages: 176

Overall Rating: 6/10

Quick Summary:

Zoe, the main character of 23 Minutes is a loner living in a group home and hating life. She, like most characters in YA novels, has a secret. Hers is that she can time travel, but only back 23 minutes at a time (hence the title), and she can only do it a limited number of times. When she witnesses a bank robbery ending in death, she decides to be a hero and try to save the day.

 Reason For Rating:

Although this story is thrilling, (full of danger, time travel, a bit of awkward romance and lots of action) there’s almost no backstory or character development. Zoe is witty and sarcastic, but lacks a purpose. I’ll give the author credit: the story centers on 23 minutes, a pretty short time to show what a character is made of.  

But even so, without details Zoe seems bland and boring. Case in point: As I was writing this I couldn’t even remember her name, even though I had finished the book the week before!

Although the details didn’t match my expectations, overall the book was a good read. The amount of action was satisfying, as well as the conclusion. I liked the quick way it was written: in snippets like a collection of short stories rather than a book. It kept me on the hooked, and I read it front to back with no pauses – all in one sitting.

As well as having a less than standard format, this book has been proclaimed “One of the best YA books of 2017,” by websites such as Goodreads and BuzzFeed.

Overall, I’d recommend this book if you’re into action and a unique formatting, but if you need a strong backstory and character development than, this book might not be for you.

Noah’s or Bust

Mr. Hank Caswell

 

Leo LaForce has been in the food industry for over 40 years and has been the manager of the CVU cafeteria for 14 years. Leo controls the ins and outs of the CVU cafeteria and decides what is available for students to purchase. According to LaForce, he works with his staff to meet regulations while providing quality food the students will buy.

capcan_24oz

LaForce emailed CVU students and faculty on April 4th, 2017, explaining that the cafeteria would begin selling Noah’s Spring Water instead of Vermont Pure.

LaForce asserts that magnesium is a necessary mineral that should be incorporated into the body and Noah’s Spring Water carries 110 mg of magnesium per liter.

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Library Stuns World with Summer Renovations

Mr. Lucien “L” Theriault

lucienlibrary

Champlain Valley Union High School students returned from summer vacation and were greeted by a transformed library space. “We moved into this space 13 years ago and about every year we have made changes to the layout, so this is just another extension… another way to make the space work better,” said Jennifer Lucey, head librarian at CVU and seasoned educational advocate of CVU students.

The changes were thoughtful and incorporated elements that the staff thought would be valuable to the new layout. “For about three or four years we have been researching what we wanted to do, [attending] day-long workshops, to support educational philosophy. We have gone on lots of site visits, talked to the librarians, the teachers and the students who use the space. Our site visits included a variety of libraries [high school, college, and public]… in Chittenden County, around Vermont, and in at least 6 other states [as well as] Ireland,” said Lucey.
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Perspectives on Confederate Monuments from AP Gov Students

Ms. Emma Rosenau

Dear Editor,

Three weeks ago, all across the country people watched as white supremacists and neo-Nazis marched in Charlottesville, Virginia and clashed with counter protesters. The violence came to a head when a man drove his car into the crowd of people, killing one woman and injuring many others. This disturbing event has since launched a national conversation about what fueled the protests and why a monument to Confederate general Robert E. Lee, which was slated to be taken down from its pedestal because of the racism and division the Confederacy represents, was such a “hot-topic” issue. These tributes to Confederate leaders are all over the South. They are in public places, funded by taxpayers, and increasingly controversial. We are now faced with a tough decision: what do we do with them?

Editorial cartoon by Brenna

Editorial cartoon by Brenna Comeau

 

Many Southerners view the subjects of such statues as heroes of the “lost cause of the Confederacy”, for their ancestorsseen as valiant warriors were only defending what they thought was right. This romantic idea of people like Robert E. Lee is deeply embedded in Southern society.  

Others view the statues as historical, arguing that all they do is commemorate important figures from the Civil War; yes, that war may have been to protect a system of slavery, and what they fought for may have left a legacy of racial injustice continuing into the present day, but removing a monument or two won’t change the past. History is history, and we have to remember it and learn from it…  but these monuments are not history. Not even close.

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Bear Season Loads up on Berries, Goes into Hibernation

Mr. Samuel Comai

CHARLOTTE, VT– Friday, September 8th marks the first day of bear hunting season in Vermont. Local hunters are shining their guns and stocking up on bullets for the season which will last until mid-October.

Bear season is split into two consecutive hunting opportunities. The first season, which lasts from September 8th to October 10th, requires a special tag to hunt. The second season, known as the “late season, is shorter, lasting one week from October 11th to October 18th.

“One black bear per square mile is the current population in Vermont, this is an incredibly high number that ranks among the highest populations in the country,” states VT bear biologist, Forrest Hammond.

Those statistics have created a surge of excitement among hunters all across the state. The 2016 season resulted in 697 bear kills. People may look at these numbers and be disgusted by the heavy removal of black bears. However, hunting is heavily regulated by the state, making it illegal to kill more than one bear a season and, according to Hammond, many hunters say it is incredibly beneficial to a controlled growth in the bear population.

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