“Don’t worry, what you are about to read is only your destiny…there’s really no point in worrying about it because you can’t change it.”
Aquarius-I know you’re pumped up and feeling on top of the world after the Chance the Rapper concert, but let’s be realistic, you still need to pass math and you can barely find a matching pair of socks in the morning.
Sagittarius-Ok so I know your mom told you that pilates was an option for Grad Challenge, but just think about that for a second. 20 hours of your life stuck in a sweaty studio with fit people who know what they’re doing. Take it from someone who has experience, you and pilates may be feeling the cosmic energy flowing, but maybe just not for your Grad Challenge.
Taurus-Are male rompers a thing? I mean, I’ve been around this universe for a long time, but man o man, I’ve never seen the likes of these. I foresee a bright, fashion forward future for any of you brave gents out there who are willing to partake in this summer trend. You know who you are, if you’ve been thinking about it, now’s the time to let those inhibitions go and release the romper!
Gemini-I sense a summer romance coming your way for you Gemini folk. Someone tall, tan, and preferably someone who has access to free ice cream. Well that last thing isn’t a guarantee, but hey, the universe is full of surprises.
Virgo-Your life is about to change: meet Incredible. They are delicious dairy free frozen ice cream balls. They are pretty much heaven wrapped up into a frozen, vegan, gluten free, soy, and dairy free ball of wonder. Upon eating one of Incredible’s frozen treats (blueberry and vanilla is the best) you will meet the love of your life. Or at least someone to watch the premier of So You Think You Can Dance on FOX June 12th with.
Pisces-So you’ve been thinking about it for a while, those lingering glances in the shop window, the guilty bute of the lip, the wrinkled brow wondering if it’s the right decision. My answer is yes. Yes you should buy that pair of purple Crocs with the free ladybug button on the front. I promise that you’ll only regret it in 5 years or less.
Aries-I know I know, you’re still not over Valentina’s cringe-worthy and very disappointing “Lip Sync for Your Life” performance on Rupaul’s Drag Race. Don’t ever set yourself up to fail, learn those lyrics even if you think you’re so good that you could never be in the bottom two. Be prepared for as many things as you can. There are few things that are truly absolute in life, so, anything that is within your control, seize it by the horns, no matter how certain you know what the outcome will be.
Leo- Hey high school students, you’ve reached the final stretch. No matter how little motivation you’ve had during the course of the year, push through this, only 6 more miles. And, no, Mercury is not in Retrograde although, lately, it seems to feel that way. With the knowledge that even the planets are in your favor at this time of the year, muster up all the positive energy you can and power through the last two weeks. Summer and sunshine awaits you you on the other side.
Cancer- Wish you had taken that gap year right about now? Yes, it’s exciting and all that you’ve finished senior year but, your first year of college isn’t going to be rainbows and sunshine, especially if you plan on being academically rigorous and choosing a demanding major. Every AP you took and cried through, that could be all your classes next year. So, wish you took a gap year to get a breather before another potentially academically challenging year? Well, pretty much too late. We’re about positive energy here but you’ve gotta face the truth, the high school chapter is over and here comes four more years of new experiences, growths and struggles.
Capricorn- It’s time to cut the chains that keep you tethered to negativity. Even if that means isolating yourself from your friend group for a bit. People that constantly bash on you, no matter how much they’re joking, are not positive to be around. If you spend your social hours on high alert for drama, extreme dark humor and always feel like you need to have a witty, funny answer for everything, you will eventually burn out you chi energy. Put some energy into positive things in your life, focus on the people that make you laugh, but not at anyone else’s expense, the people that you can really talk to, without fear that it’ll go around to everyone else. Take a break from it, detach yourself from the negativity.
Scorpio- Hoping that your new relationship will last through the summer? It’ll take effort from both parties, so, if you’re the lazy one, time to make an effort to keep those connections. It is true, distance does make the heart grow fonder; however, too much distance makes the heart grow forgetful of fondness. Try to maintain a healthy balance.
Libra- Feeling a little lost and empty because you finished your new show on Hulu? Life’s a drag, right? Wrong. Get some perspective, would ya? Some people can’t afford a house, let alone afford the luxury of being depressed over Homeland being over.