“Don’t worry, what you are about to read is only your destiny…there’s really no point in worrying about it because you can’t change it.”
Aquarius-Get yourself to a yoga class please, you’re starting to drive everyone crazy.
Pisces-Lighten the load of your backpack..your friends are starting to notice it weighs 15 lbs and they are going to wonder if it represents your actual mental baggage.
Aries-I know you’re tempted to sneak a taste of that ghost pepper sriracha sauce always sitting on the table in room 218…don’t do it. If you do, the stability of your karma with the universe will be disrupted in unfathomable ways for about 7.5 hours.
Taurus-Stop checking yourself out in the windows of the cars you pass by on your way to the baseball field during a fire drill…everyone can see you.
Gemini-Keep an eye out for that fair-eyed, dark-haired boy/girl…you may have struck their fancy. Don’t worry, it’s not Mercury Retrograde so the planets are in perfect alignment for you to approach him/her without completely making a fool out of yourself.
Cancer-I know you’ve been staying away from your local grocery store to avoid seeing people you know but really…what’s the worst that can happen? Social interaction outside of school over a loaf of bread and some kombucha is not the end of the world.
Leo-Don’t let that fat ego of yours make you feel overconfident in your studies…if anything, be over prepared.
Virgo-Yes, yes, yes, I know you’re stressed. I know the authentic sheep’s wool moccasins you ordered didn’t come in the mail yet, but that’s no reason to lash out on friends or family…instead, I would suggest burning some sage, climbing the nearest mountain and screaming at the top of your lungs.
Libra-Yes…everyone knows you went to Marshalls to get the $8.99 “lotion and fuzzy sock” combo for your advisory Secret Santa.
Scorpio-When someone catches your fancy, try to tone down the flirt, try something a bit more subtle…like slowly walking away with your head down and avoiding all eye contact.
Sagittarius-When the music is good, make sure you dance…just don’t let anyone catch you dancing to Genesis. Everyone has been lying to you when they said that they still like Phil Collins…I mean really, how can you make a comeback after “Easy Lover”.
Capricorn-No, the Buddha-shaped beeswax candle you bought from the man on Church Street isn’t really from India. But hey, its matches your aesthetic so it’s all good…just don’t tell your friends, you phony.